maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
