Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
did you just send me my own nude
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
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