How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
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