No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Randomize
