I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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