I'm going to rape someone's good day.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
Randomize
