Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
