So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
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