It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
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