Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Randomize
