i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
