Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
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