i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
