ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
