she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Randomize
