so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
Randomize
