oh god the rape fog is back!
It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
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