Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
Randomize
