omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Randomize
