Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
