i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Randomize
