is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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