I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
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