yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
Randomize
