Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
Randomize
