went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Randomize
