i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
Randomize
