I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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