walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
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