You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
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