i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
Randomize
