I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
I can't turn off my feet"
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
Randomize
