The maid of honor just puked.
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
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