Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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