the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
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