Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
Randomize
