Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
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