The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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