sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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