I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
