Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Randomize
