We're like a lot better than the average bears
Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
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