Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
