I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
