My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
Randomize
