there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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