guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
