better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
Randomize
