i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
Randomize
