don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
Randomize
