He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
