I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
