Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
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